is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
