anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
