you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
