You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
