Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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