The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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