She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
