You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Randomize
