I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
