how can u be prego again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
