can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
