lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
