Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
sex in a hospital.. check
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
