so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did i walk over a car last night?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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