my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
