Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
