He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are the jesus of drinking
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
