Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
