You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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