is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
