I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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