How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize