we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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