So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
