Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
