I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
