You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
