I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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