I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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