I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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