the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
