Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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