i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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