Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
