It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
