Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
