this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
