When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
