Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
