She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
