a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
