Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize