i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
