dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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