goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
then he tried to convert me to islam
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize