What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
