Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
