i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
