My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
