just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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