I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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