Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
