Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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