I accidentally had phone sex last night
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
