You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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