brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
