Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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