What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
