Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
