Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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