Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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