And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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