she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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