My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
