Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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