she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
