There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
