Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
