fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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