god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
