Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
