Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize