I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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