I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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