Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
