Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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