His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
