I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize