WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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