Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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