been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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