i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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