I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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