Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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