that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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