it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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