I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize