The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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