I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
