i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
