i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize