im about as happy as oj after his trial
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
