That's when you crack a 10am beer
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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