Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
