Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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