also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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