youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
